i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
