Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
