you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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