do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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