You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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