nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
