it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
