Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
