They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
