What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
