I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
