does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
