She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
