I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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