Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
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