My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
