we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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