All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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