32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize