New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize