i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
