I wish you could order shots online.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You are a genius and a whore.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
