She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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