at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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