Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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