The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
