How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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