Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
