u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
