We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
