Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
