I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
