Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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