how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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