I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
