The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
