1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i don't like sucking hair
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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