You work out of a Hotel?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
