My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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