I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize