I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
