she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
