This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
