you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
