I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
