Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
look no pants
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
