She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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