Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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