I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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