I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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