thus making me awesome and them whores
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
