just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
