if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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