In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
