Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
