Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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