ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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