so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
