You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
