I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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