girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
His hands were made for my vagina.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
