Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
