Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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