I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
