dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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