please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She even gives head with a lisp.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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