I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
