Jerry, you need to find god
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
