they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
