Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
