In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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