I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Randomize