Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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